This past week was very intense for me. Lots of fears and emotions came up and it all revolved around judgements and how uncomfortable it can be to be judged as well as how difficult it can be not to judge.
I was given some information by a person I trust and respect that was so outlandish, controversial, and conspiracy theory-ish that if I had heard it from any other source, I most likely would have dismissed it. And I definitely would not have shared it.
Yet, because this past year has opened my eyes to so many experiences that I never thought were possible, both good and bad, it has shifted my mindset to be one of “anything” is possible -- no matter how hard it may be to comprehend.
I’m also in a time in my life where I am really seeking to be open to other perspectives -- things that make me uncomfortable and don’t understand.
I’m finding just because I don’t understand or can’t comprehend it doesn’t mean it is not “true” for the other person.
I do not live in their body. I have not lived their experiences. I cannot see what they see, so I cannot judge them for having the beliefs they have, even if I may not agree with them.
It helps me stay open to understanding the perspectives of mask wearers vs non-mask wearers, people who believe in vaccinations, and those who do not.
And taking it out of that realm into, whether we want to admit it or not, why we fear people who are different from us -- whether that is people who are a different color, homeless people, or people who “look” or “behave” differently.
Or for that matter, just people who say things we disagree with, outlandish or not.
So I'm seeking to understand.
And if I’m really being honest with myself, I was fearful. Fearful of losing the people I love. As the information that was shared, made me fear that could happen.
From that place, I sent the information to my immediate family, my “safe group”, the people who really know me.
When it came down to it, from the place of “anything is possible, no matter how implausible,” I was willing to send such “outlandish” information, to protect the people I love, despite the judgments I knew would ensue and the possibility that I could lose them because they thought I was crazy.
In my mind, it was no different than sending information and asking someone to “wear a mask” to protect themselves and others. If they choose not to, that is their choice. I have no control over what they do and how they react to the information, but at least I did something vs nothing. The rest is up to them.
The uncomfortableness of the “internal fight” with myself and my fear was excruciating. So much so that I had to go on a 2-hour walk to ruminate about what could be so important that I would subject myself to ridicule and dissipate some of that energy. I went down many wormholes.
And it all came back to my why: To build bridges and create safe places to dissolve fears and misunderstandings.
If I’m going to do this…I have to stand in it. I had to experience the fear, not only of judgment but of not understanding something and being in so much fear of it that I wouldn't want to try to bridge the gap to understand why.
I also had to experience being judged to such a degree that I was losing people. That I was so misunderstood that I could no longer just sit back and take it. That I had to find my voice and stand up for what I believe in and why I did what I did. It didn't matter how they responded, but it did matter that I stood up for myself and spoke my truth.
And from that place, I can walk with the Brave Ones and help you do the same. Help you break down the barriers and walls to help people understand each other and in turn make the world a more beautiful place.
And that brought me back to a place of balance. I still tip. I still trip up. I still get fearful. And then I tap back into my why, return to a place of harmony, and get clear on what I need to do and how I need to be.
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Has there been a time in your life when you have been judged? Or even harder still...has there been a time in your life where you have judged someone, out of fear or not understanding?
If you are brave enough to share, I would love to hear...please leave a comment below.
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